Really, I plan to make this column funny again… soon! Of course (as I’ve written previously), some folks have never realized my articles were supposed to be funny. In the past year, watching helplessly as my marriage to Jocelyn disintegrated, God has used the deep pain to teach me some equally-deep lessons.

I still remember the first time this happened. I was driving down the highway, complaining to Him about how I had all this dedication and passion for my wife, and it wasn’t returned. God spoke to me (OK, not through my ears, but to my spirit) and told me: “Now you know how that feels. I feel that all the time with almost every person on earth.” Even those of us who know and serve Him don’t fully return His love, and many more totally reject it (or refuse to believe it exists).

Then He reminded me that the future happens one day at a time. While I was worrying about whether or not my wife would allow a chance to bridge the distance between us, and address whatever else was weighing on her, I wasn’t living each day as I could. All my hopes rode on her decision. I discovered that He really meant that verse: “…each day has enough trouble of its own” – just deal with this one.

He also reminded me (again, while I was driving down the highway) that my heart, which was hurting SO forcefully, was not my own, and hadn’t been mine for a long time. I gave Him all of me, and trusted Him with all my life, nearly 50 years ago. She’s hurting God’s heart, not mine. Now, that’s not to say that I’m totally blameless – my inaction, waiting for things to magically “get better”, probably caused my wife to lose confidence in my ability to be a good partner.

He’s also used my pain to make me a better intercessor. For those of you not raised in a Pentecostal church, that term means “a person who acts as a go-between” – and in our church, that means we ask God to take care of a specific need for another person. Being the non-shy person I am, that often means praying out loud with someone, wherever we might be. And those prayers carry SO much more passion than they did before I started this terrible part of my life.

And then there was the time I tried to explain to God how betrayed I felt – this lovely, tender-hearted lady who had sworn she would never leave me… did. I still have many notes and cards promising that we’d be together until one of us died. And it feels sometimes like she did die. She’s living a 20-minute drive from the little house I rent, and I know where her therapy practice is, but the person I knew seems to be gone.

Anyway, when I told my Father how deeply her disloyalty cut me, I was immediately reminded that one of Jesus’ inner circle sold Him out for the equivalent of a few bucks, and another repeatedly denied that he even knew “that Galilean”. I’m pretty sure God understands my new exercise – “Aerobic Weeping”.

I can’t remember the times I sang the line ‘Jesus is all I need’ – now I get to prove it. I haven’t stopped praying that my wife’s heart will be healed, that she’ll come to herself (the phrase Jesus used in the parable of the Prodigal Son), and that she’ll come back to Him, even if she doesn’t come back to me. I pray that same thing every day, sometimes more than once.

But the last thing He’s been teaching me is that only He sees the big picture. I know He hurts with me for the loneliness, confusion, and disillusionment of this past year, and that He’s definitely not neutral about my pain. God continues to hate divorce… for any reason. But I can’t see around the corner, and He knew this was coming.

He also has a plan for my tomorrows, whether those tomorrows involve a partner or not, and He has a plan for my wife, too. He will continue to knock on the door of her heart.

Meanwhile, He’s teaching me some things. Man, I hate this school…